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Conceptually Inconvenient

by Bili Rubin

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1.
Yellowman 00:30
Little yellow man little yellow man What are you always crying about? Why are your hands and legs so limb? Why are you lying on your back? Take your helmet off and go to see the real world
2.
Gotta stay in this hotel room, seems somebody shat on the floor Saw it on my way to the bathroom, encountered critters by the door The walls are caked with vomit, what the hell was going on? The sink's all whacky and the AC is fucked Asbestos ceiling, guess I'm down on my luck You wouldn't believe it if I told you that this hotel room is a sight to behold You wouldn't believe it if I told you that this hotel room is a sight to behold Seems they smoked some crack in here and shot some fucked up porn Don't believe what you read online, over there they say this room's just fine Cockroaches crawling in every orifice, the whole hotel just stinks like piss Piss. The sink's all whacky and the AC is fucked Asbestos ceiling, guess I'm down on my luck You wouldn't believe it if I told you that this hotel room is a sight to behold You wouldn't believe it if I told you that this hotel room is a sight to behold
3.
It's just a phase stayin' inside stayin' inside woah oh burden to bear self-conciousness self-conciousness woah oh gradually became a person I like person I like woah oh bitin' my nails such restlessness such restlessness woah oh a nervous wreck while waitin' in line waitin' in line woah oh feelings repressed livin' a lie livin' a lie woah oh It's a state of mind I just cannot explain All this bullshit going on up there Pulling stupid stunts, cracking jokes out of nowhere All this bullshit going on up there A manic maniac mind that's also sleep deprived All this bullshit going on up there Ancient thoughts in a modern age Sincerely hope to find happiness find happiness woah oh like totally whole fulfillment fulfillment woah oh I mean it's alright just how it is just how it is woah oh occasional lamentation can be managed can be managed woah oh all that I'm sayin' is it's a bit of a pain bit of a pain woah oh in the end I don't complain I don't complain woah oh It's a state of mind I just cannot explain All this bullshit going on up there Pulling stupid stunts, cracking jokes out of nowhere All this bullshit going on up there A manic maniac mind that's also sleep deprived All this bullshit going on up there Ancient thoughts in a modern age
4.
I am furiously sweatin' Had way too much cuppa joes While sittin' in my dark apartment stinkin' like a buffalo When I'm here it doesn't matter my guitars don't have a nose But now a cute girl wants to date me And I showered two weeks ago She'll be there in thirty minutes about to tell her that I'm sick but if she wants to get to know me she gotta tolerate that I stink Oh my my, she's so cute What am I gonna do? I do smell like roadkill and I look kinda ill I should use some cologne then I'd stop bein' alone But you know what they tell Don't pretend not bein' yourself Alright okay I'm gonna go I'm gonna go alright okay Don't have to lose anything anyway Okay alright I'm gonna go I'm gonna go alright Maybe she has anosmia Alright okay I'm gonna go I'm gonna go alright okay Don't have to lose anything anyway Okay alright I'm gonna go I'm gonna go alright Now she stands here right before me And I feel like I wanna go home My own fumes fill up my nostrils I'm so fucked I'd better go She tells me that she likes my jacket I say I like her voice's tone Make off-kilter jokes about asbestos She laughs and wants to take me home She doesn't like that I'm a smoker the stench would contaminate her clothes my paranoia now starts kickin' self esteem becoming low Oh my my, she's so cute What am I gonna do? I do smell like roadkill and I look kinda ill I should use some cologne then I'd stop bein' alone But you know what they tell Don't pretend not bein' yourself "Why don't you take off your jacket?" She asks and smiles at me at first I am reluctant oh hell, how bad could the smell be? Her smile turns upside down now I'm thinking "Here we go again..." She's puking all over her nice couch and says I'll never see her again That's the story why I'm lonely my cause for solitude is my smell nobody wants a stinky piggy cryin' myself to sleep again
5.
Love is overrated, it's better to just not care It makes you visit a dark place, don't wanna go back there I'd rather be alone than turning my insides out There is no happy home, my soul wants to cry and shout I am so fed up by that pain and despair A crippled empty heart that just wants to be unaware I don't wanna involve myself with this It just breaks me beyond repair I just focus on the things that make me feel bigger than I actually am Can't surround myself with all that negativity It breaks my self esteem and triggers hate in me Maybe some emotions, they get repressed but that way I learned to like to like what I actually am I don't need that kind of love in my life you know? that endless cycle just swallows me whole I don't wanna involve myself with this It just breaks me beyond repair I just focus on the things that make me feel bigger than I actually am I don't wanna involve myself with this It just breaks me beyond repair I just focus on the things that make me feel bigger than I actually am
6.
files upon files you hit in my face just for those few bucks, it's a disgrace now you terrorize me on the phone don't you dare barge into my home the first step towards insanity Unemployment Center you shouldn't be a necessity Unemployment Center slowly but certainly you are killing me Unemployment Center just give me my fuckin' money Unemployment Center Unemployment Center Unemployment Center all requested forms have been sent to you now you send me a letter with more shit to do I'm getting tired of your crap it won't be long until I snap the first step towards insanity Unemployment Center you shouldn't be a necessity Unemployment Center slowly but certainly you are killing me Unemployment Center just give me my fuckin' money Unemployment Center Unemployment Center Unemployment Center The fucking Unemployment Center!
7.
Blood Type 02:20
At 8:00 you rush to work I am awake at night You don't understand the work I do for which I take some pride You're in a university its name unknown to me but just because you studied it doesn't mean it's useless shit You love sticky pop songs and I laugh about puke No wonder we don't get along Means no front against you Your soul's just not my blood type So all of this just doesn't feel too right You can't cross a mud pit With those skinny, slippery race bikes You're interested in politics It's kinda not my field I mean I have an attitude my lips are tightly sealed If you lack the knowledge it's better not to speak I have my independent reasons why I'm not eatin meat You don't really like the fact that I don't have a car The movies you like to watch I find em quite bizarre Your soul's just not my blood type So all of this just doesn't feel too right You can't cross a mud pit With those skinny, slippery race bikes
8.
I am traumatized by the Terror in black and white They said I got no talent in me Is this some kinda conspiracy? Are you trying to crush my dreams? Oh how wrong you soon would be! I'm surrounded by lies Anger boils up inside I really feel so insecure without a guitar 'round my neck, that's for sure It could've gone so nice and smooth Why is everybody that uncouth? I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars Need to overcome There's much more than guitars and drums Can't call myself multi-instrumentalist with that fear of keys in my chest It really is a crying shame Good thing others are to blame I am traumatized by the Terror in black and white I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars I can't play piano properly so I didn't fuck with it for years And now I'm trying to write a song without guitars
9.
So Weird 03:22
spiders smell really funny but no one smells that like I do goblins are milking honey it's so weird, makes no sense, my brain got fried by you the air is filled with concrete all birds are singing "boogaloo" head crushed by striking comets it's so weird, makes no sense, my brain got fried by you clothes of asbestos fibers mushrooms in a petting zoo an oddly gelatinous piper it's so weird, makes no sense, my brain got fried by you nostrils on a windmill eyeballs in a supermarket queue a caustic liquid pinwheel it's so weird, makes no sense, my brain got fried by you flies are oxidizin' lemonade gets painted blue pidgeons on the horizon it's so weird, makes no sense, my brain got fried by you
10.
11.
Runaround 04:26
Meaningless dreams meme machines for the convenience of peeps Don't ask me what it means I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow Been lead astray to my ashtray I'm in a vice, head filled with mice You omnivores littering shores I've been in pain but stopped caring about you anymore Pornography Stupidity It makes me angry kills creativity I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow (wowowowow) Xenophoby longing for greed A pain to me Why should you even be? I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow I'm trapped and run around In this merry-go-round I'm a fucking clown who's always right somehow Been lead astray to my ashtray I'm in a vice, head filled with mice You omnivores littering shores I've been in pain but stopped caring about you anymore
12.
Big old grumpy man on my TV screen All through my childhood You were so neighbourly and kinda mean But you're not that bad I was always sure that's the case and old, stuck-up bastard with his heart in the right place [And yeah, we met once. It was quite nice! To meet you in person...and talk to you about stuff and shit...] I played a song for you A song you sang to me So many years ago Back then on the TV screen You said it was quite awesome Made me all tingly inside And before I had the chance to see you again I read online that you had died. [You'll see each other twice, a bunch of stupid lies. If you love something, let it go. See for yourself where that leads to...] WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? WHYYY?!!! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! You were fond of beer and lots of grilled meat At least it seemed like that, cause you ate that when we did meet That voice was so astonishing, it felt a bit bizarre And you even autographed my acoustic guitar My trashy acoustic guitar My trashy acoustic guitar This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice! This world is fucked And it is filled with lies! They always told me that you'd meet each person twice!
13.
I'm a happy little Nutria swimming in some filthy muck and if you don't give me carrots I'm going to run amok Nothing can really scare me 'cause I have huge nasty teeth Also I'm the cutest carrot thief you'll ever see I intensely scratch my armpits after I had my morning dive I am fluffy, wet and rancid Glad evolution was so kind I like to step in my own droppings and smear it on your favorite clothes It really doesn't even matter 'cause you feed and pet me I suppose My pack and me, we're chillin' right under a dirty bridge Ducks really envy our hind feet god, my armpits do itch We're getting bigger and bigger with every carrot we inhale I hope someday we outgrow the enormous big blue whale
14.
No 03:14
I don't wanna marry and raise a little Bili Oh No Responsibilites for anything but just me Oh No Acting accordingly to being almost thirty Oh No I don't wanna grow up 'cause my brain would blow up Society's expectations raise an idiot nation I won't be part of it It's just stupid horseshit Oh No Giving up this way of life exchanging it for house, kids and wife Oh No Building up aggression, sinking into depression Oh No I don't wanna grow up 'cause my brain would blow up Society's expectations raise an idiot nation I won't be part of it It's just stupid horseshit Oh No
15.
I'm afraid of people and I love everyone everything is terrible and life is so much fun I am such am cool cat and a spineless wreck I'm at peace with myself and about to crack highly illogical contradiction calls what the fuck is wrong with me disagree to disagree what is fighting inside me who isn't letting me sleep happy, sad, shy and angry happy, sad, shy and angry happy, sad, shy and angry fee-fi-fo-fum beetlebum I melt like sugar in the sun hodee hi sweet cherry pie daylight just blinds my eyes won't go out in the cold again I really don't need oxygen still believe in true love and about to resign need to work way faster need to give good things time an outgoing weirdo self-concious extrovert I'm not good at talking but I am good with words highly illogical contradiction calls what the fuck is wrong with me disagree to disagree what is fighting inside me who isn't letting me sleep happy, sad, shy and angry happy, sad, shy and angry happy, sad, shy and angry fee-fi-fo-fum beetlebum I wanna sing and dance in the sun hidee hee sweet pidgeon pea I want to have all eyes on me I wanna go out again and make a thousand friends fee-fi-fo-fum beetlebum I melt like sugar in the sun hodee hi sweet cherry pie daylight just blinds my eyes won't go out in the cold again I really don't need oxygen
16.
Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooowowowow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooowowowow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooowooooooooow AAH! Wakin' up when the sun goes down Electric lights, all I need right now Doesn't matter how they live their life Because I like to work all through the night Brain connected to a dream machine Ask myself where my spleen has been Throw my alarm clock in the trash It's just cause for a cranial rash And when I finally walk out the door Nothing's like it's been before Nothing's like it's been before I went away Or else I'd drowned Every other day Suffocating sounds I'm not okay Out of bounds Insanity Is my playground I went away Or else I'd drowned Every other day Suffocating sounds I'm not okay Out of bounds Insanity Is my playground Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooowowowow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooow Hussinseezinzow sussinseezinzooowowowow Sussinseezinzow hussinseezinzooowooooooooow
17.
Captain's Log, Stardate 1522.1. In orbit around Planet A-53E5T, one crewman, member of the landing party, dead by slow suffocation. We are certain the cause of death was mineral based. Boldly go where no man has gone before Klingon fucks shot into a pile of gore Nobody overacts like me Been to acting school of Shatnery Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you and hit on extraterrestrial girls Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you, your speeches make circuitry burn Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Motherfucking Kirk I'm so handsome and not bald My trusty Vulcan, logical to the core Beam me up now, let's explore! Outer limits I'm never bored My old vessel speeds in warp drive 4 Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you and hit on extraterrestrial girls Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you, your speeches make circuitry burn Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you and hit on extraterrestrial girls SPOCK!!! Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you and hit on extraterrestrial girls Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you, your speeches make circuitry burn Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk Captain Fucking Kirk Oh Captain Fucking Kirk I wish I could be like you Motherfucking Kirk
18.
clowns with horrendous feet mites infesting bedsheets it's gross, so gross jerks snorting lines of speed devour huge amounts of meat it's gross and makes me mad my spirit ain't that mean I just don't wanna see acts of stupidity bad life experiences plant opinions in my head and prevent being glad around the clock around the clock scenes I've witnessed manifest pictures in my brain cause certain levels of pain around the clock around the clock things that don't let me sleep healthily through the night please hold me close and tight minds corrupted by greed or looking at my own feet it's gross, so gross. toxic social behaviour, meaningless work endeavours I can't cope, I can't cope my spirit ain't that mean I just don't wanna see acts of stupidity bad life experiences plant opinions in my head and prevent being glad around the clock around the clock scenes I've witnessed manifest pictures in my brain cause certain levels of pain around the clock around the clock things that don't let me sleep healthily through the night please hold me close and tight around the clock
19.
What's best in life? Is it finding yourself? Is it learning to love yourself? If you look close enough in the mirror, you'll see everything that you've given up... and there is nothing to love about that. What if you gave up trying to love yourself? What if you let yourself go? No matter what it is, we can choose to live. Choose to find the good in life. It sucks. My job sucks. I'm on the verge of quitting. But you know what? I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna fight through it, or else I'm just gonna resign myself to a life of cold salads and graham crackers. That's not living. I'm not gonna get sucked into negativity. I'm gonna finish out my contract. Then I'm gonna do everything in reverse again. You know, give it back to them. And next time, it'll be different. Give it back to myself. I'm not going to settle. I'm not going to let them get the best of me. I've never been the type of girl to not take risks. Not physically, not emotionally. If I really want something, I'm going to find a way to get it. Jesus Murphy... Captain Pretty and some priestess help the taxman falling now. Carousel Darling I love you still, a real woman but sweet to me. See that somethin' in the park, yellow orange birds and blue pink brown mem'ries. My friends are dead and I want to leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. All my dreams will turn to hide See how they leave get high as you still feed me Down below the sky we just do nothing right She was rather sad we cried cellophane flowers of yellow matter Touch my raccoon and get high Plasticine Boy Nobody was really melting pataphysical Don't shit where you eat because the neighbors might get mad! The next time you consider telling a friend or family member they are using poop where they eat for control, drop that word, or equivalent, from your conversation. Even the experts can't agree on what it means. Maybe it's supposed to refer to something gross, like feces in food or an unusual smell. Maybe it's not meant to be funny, and just has a strong, negative connotation with no specific punchline. Some things are pretty weird for example I never went to sleep every day before the body problem so that would make me normal but when I DID go to sleep and I DID have dreams I would have them after the body problem too. So you could say that my dreams are different from my daytime ones. But I'm pretty normal when it comes to love stuff. I see a difference between my love and my body problems. The love part was always normal. And because it was always normal, I just didn't get upset. And because it was always normal, I didn't do anything about it. It was easy. And when my body problem came about, I thought it was normal too and just ignored it. Now when I think about my sasquatch I feel like I have to do something about it. Captain Pretty and some priestess help the taxman falling now. Carousel Darling I love you still, a real woman but sweet to me. See that somethin' in the park, yellow orange birds and blue pink brown mem'ries. My friends are dead and I want to leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. I wanna leave tonight. Voices in my mind possessing my guitar whisper words of wisdom all the time Come on and appreciate the sun dear Valerie do you still believe in yesterday? Sleep in and just give me more polythene Today I'll send all his socks to heaven to heaven
20.
Torn Shoes 04:15
eyes everywhere they keep starin' at my torn shoes that I'm wearin' I'm unemployed and poor as shit I need money for my music so what if I freeze my feet off why does it concern you that much you should be thankful for your footwear it's my problem, why should you care and I sincerely don't care what you people all think I'll get new shoes at some point to be honest I'm quite annoyed by the fact that my feet get wet when it rains cats and dogs, I don't like it couldn't find new ones as of late the ones I've found weren't so great or they just were not my exact size finding new shoes is quite an exercise keep that in mind when you're judging me stop examining my fuckin' feet and I sincerely don't care what you people all think I loved those shoes, they were beautiful and now they're dead which is terrible can't just exchange them with any pair they're not like some generic underwear they were my friends and took me anywhere and now they're just some dirty ripped old pair do you understand my struggle now or do you still need to raise that brow please help me with my situation here it's an outrage, just to make that clear na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana na na na na na na nanana my shoes are really fucked... like you...you can't even believe...they're like...they're gettin' worse every day...please I...I need some fucking new shoes!
21.
take your documents and stick them up your ass eat some fiberglass and smell your own passed gas I'm forced to do this paperwork or else I gotta pay pay I wanna rip your face off bureaucracy nay nay you good for nothing shitheads leave me the fuck alone I'm just a starving artist get the fuck out of my home take your documents and stick them up your ass smoke some fucking grass and shit out fiberglass don't wanna resort to violence but you trigger me to the core that stupid fucking officialese makes me throw up on the floor what you're forcing upon me is a disgrace for humanity my hatred feels endless you can all drown in my pee take your documents and stick them up your ass eat some fiberglass and smell your own passed gas stick them up your ass stick them up your ass stick them up your ass stick them up your ass
22.
In a weary while I sure can send a little smile I'll maybe have a cat sittin' in my unmade bed Place your heavy head right here on my lap In a weary while I promise you will smile and you will not regret overcoming this crap Go in circles, ask yourself where the reason is Are you fed up with all that? Are you just fucking pissed? Yeah I know it hurts a lot but did you get the twist? There's nothing to do 'bout that wether you think there is or not In a weary while I sure can send a little smile I'll maybe have a cat sittin' in my unmade bed Place your heavy head right here on my lap In a weary while I promise you will smile and you will not regret overcoming this crap In a weary while I sure can send a little smile I'll maybe have a cat sittin' in my unmade bed Place your heavy head right here on my lap In a weary while I promise you will smile and you will not regret overcoming this crap In a cold night's winter rain you realized that it's all in vain Absolutely nothing to gain, clowning around in a monkey lane Throw away that hurty turd, it's all shit for the birds cigarettes and alcohol stop listening to that tiring crap No more! In a weary while I sure can send a little smile I'll maybe have a cat sittin' in my unmade bed Place your heavy head right here on my lap In a weary while I promise you will smile

credits

released January 24, 2023

All songs were written, performed, recorded, mixed and mastered by Bili Rubin except for “Yellowman”, “Bad Thoughts In Her Head About Me” and “Carousel Darling I Love You Still”.

“Yellowman” is based on a funny video Ariel My Friend filmed and sent Bili Rubin with his smartphone during his trip to Israel. Bili Rubin simply songified it with some instruments.

“Bad Thoughts In Her Head About Me” is a song by Ariel My Friend from the album “Nuclear Piss” which Bili Rubin covered with Ariel My Friend's permission.

“Carousel Darling I Love You Still” contains AI generated lyrics from two kinds of text completion applications. One of them is based on Beatles lyrics, the other one draws on quotes from Seinfeld.

Released by U-Bac
ubac.bandcamp.com
Tape dubbing at Aquarium
Cover art and vocals on “Yellowman” by Ariel My Friend
Inlay Design by Ilka
Funded by Jobcenter Leipzig
Additional funding, support, love and care by my girlfriend

Thanks to everyone and everything inspiring the songs on this album.
In particular: nutrias, old shoes, insomnia, filthy hotel rooms, Jobcenter Leipzig, my horrible childhood piano teacher, body odors, dating apps, Captain Kirk, social anxiety, asbestos and my girlfriend. Just to name the most important ones.

Thanks a million to every single person who made this release possible. Thanks for purchasing this tape. Thanks for making it through 90 minutes of low fidelity shrillness.
Thanks for listening to my music. You just made me very happy.

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Bili Rubin Leipzig, Germany

My name is Bili Rubin and I make asbestos music. Genres are a thing of the past. Enjoy the noise, you beautiful weirdos! <3

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